Documento sin título

 

               

Theyesucob

                                                          or

The Man who said at the End of It All: “to Simplify and Hyperfeel the Complexity of Existence: Yes, indeed, that’s what Experience has inspired me to do! “: ¬†A Story of a Come-true Dream.

 

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A Tale By Faridt  (Short-Preliminary Version)

Longer/fuller versions will be presented later on

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Inspired mainly by Poe, Kafka and Sartre. Thanks to other like Kierkegaard, Unamuno, Camus, Hesse, Bloch ,Burgess, Sabato ,etc.

 

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That`s it!, that’s pretty much all there is to it !” they would say,and then‚Ķ. Well, you know, to me there is nothing special about it!, are you crazy or something?”. The same old story here and there, now and before, told in different fashions without much style or manners, “they”!: all those lame insensitive people I usually come across in my Life!, they would say such‚Ķ.., such “predicaments”! and hence I could do nothing but Disagree with allllllll my Soul!. That was Me! That is Me ! That was and is something I essentially despise and consistently avoid, as I’ve always felt Better off deprived of Society and its unwitting conventional self-approved ignorance, evil and ridiculous clich√©s!. I have ever since child decided to peruse a World of my own, one in which I am above what surrounds me, one in which some of my close ones may be allowed: these are the kind of ideas that mainly define the sort of Person I am, the being that herein attempts to tell you one of its stories.When referring to Existence itself, and considering these Circumstances I have always lived through, I would ripen into such Complexities as none else could barely get even close to, which I would refer to as what makes me unalike, strange, eccentric and briskly Happy or Sad, depending on the case.¬† For I am not to be understood clockwisely -let’s say- at all, but just by myself and a few who venture spontaneously to experience -being In agreement with the feeling I portray- my Emotional Sensitivity about the perception of the Universe. In my World I am Theyesucob, for I call myself upon that name referring to my Subjective immaculate exceptional existence.

And so, in those types of situations I would say to myself: “well‚Ķ‚Ķ, what to do? How to behave now?” Sometimes I would stay, challenge Myself and them and discuss my Philosophical Views, or else, I would just rather remain shut in me Mouth and My Expressiveness and chose to keep it personally, and I’d end up just leaving. As I would anyhow live or flee the exposure to that sort of condition somewhen, that is, sooner or later in My Uncanny yet Lofty Existence, I would always have to find a manner of dealing with it. At long last -I knew- it would be Me and Me alone who would behold and overcome these situations, for I have always -despite all the mortifying and maddening settings I have had sometimes to go through in my Life- felt of Myself -in my past and Present and even willingly in the Future, I’m very sure- as a Life-Battle-Winner: as an unbeatable Stoned-Minded but yet Profound Individual with a capacity almost none had or was able or at least interested in understanding. I would call myself a FukLifer: In scorn of my Reality chiefly, that is, my attitude towards it. Now, not more of my Character I want to say currently, for I believe the former reflection would be but sufficient to introduce who I am in essence. I would otherwise have to extend myself to a point in which the account to which this document is destined, would have to be put aside. The latter is indeed not the purpose I have entitled myself to fulfill in this rather brief-length manuscript, that I have decided to share with you for now.

I must just mention -before narrating it- this one more clarifying issue: both my Story and the former reflections arise in my Mind not only considering my present existence as Theyesucob, but also my possible Past-Lifes as I have come to know about them through different means, but about this I shall not point myself any further herein. For the most bare of phenomena to be revealed in this limits of paper, going so deeply inside me -into my thoughts, attaining into the soul, a species of profound scrutiny of the psyche, hooked on a knot- would make me mislead my path at the moment: and so I wish to unleash presently what to me happened once, on one of my multiple adventures I have had the chance to experience: It was during a particular period of my Life when this peculiar situation came to be, one of which I am about to let you know. Concerning what occurred to me then at what I thought was the End of it All, I must say: oh!, how Bizarre it was and still is !, oh ! How Pleasing it is as I can recall it and register it now here!, let it not be lost in the wilderness of time!.

I still, after a long time, truly do not know how it materialized, but from what I can bring to memory, it started off as I found myself in a place I did not distinguish from anywhere before in my Life, even today I am not sure if it was a Lucid Dream or some weird parapsychological lucid-conscious experience out of whoknowswhat. The place of which I had suddenly gained awareness of was definitely a misty and dark room, I can not tell how but I woke up there and it was not clear to me how I had gotten there for the last I remembered was that I had gone to bed and -presumably and most possibly- fallen asleep on a normal night of my standard city-life. But now I knew I was somewhere else and it couldn’t have been more terrifying for I suffered -on behalf of some reason- from all the phobias that come about from a secluded dusky dwelling, and this seemed to be like the realization of the wickedest Nightmares of my own: for such I wished that it had simply been a Dream as I said before. But if it was so it did not seem at all to me and I could not wake up from it until much later. Yet I still doubt of what it exactly was.

Now, being paralyzed, scared of moving, sit on a damply harsh medieval-kind floor -as I noticed with my hands-, for a long while I could not clearly see, it was horrible, for a time I could not stand as a consequence of a psychological and physical impediment of which I didn’t easily came out off. Afterwards, when I was able to transport my body,¬†I had to decide to stay still for a moment, for the last time I had stirred in such a similar situation I had hurt myself out of desperation, on behalf of the fact that I did not want to be wounded: On that night I had awaken from a nightmare and I had hit myself against a wall, but at least on that case I knew I was home and just confused as a consequence of my then state; but on this occasion I knew I was somewhere else, somewhere eerie and unknown: little by little I started gaining vision, an apparition that came gladly but that would disclose the truth of my situation at that time. I still questioned myself, if what I was going through was a Dream or an awake-conscious-type experience that I came upon: but nevertheless I would say it was not a Nightmare at all, for the vivacity of it was blunt and therein all my senses -in the acuteness of Fear and Passion- could not be but clearly tangible.

Now, as I recall it, I’m still affected in gloom, and hard it is to tell but harder not to do it, hitherto the description of what occurred is the following: I could not be wholly certain but I was mostly positive I was now -grasping all my worst fears- trapped into a deep low-spirited abode, at that epoch I was not Old yet a misty scope pervaded my view and my sagacity, I was not very young either but I was still fresh in my matureness, I was in a habitat in which I had never been formerly, at least not consciously, and I didn’t recognize it at all. I could not believe my wits, it was the most disturbing and unnatural situation I had been in. If -supposing- I had been taken there in my Unconsciousness, kidnapped, I guessed, for I wasn’t mindful at that moment of how it had happened, why would such thing befall to me? I was a simple man with an unpretentious life, oh dear! Did I pray! I was terribly frightened of my then unknown circumstance, I had awaked there, I didn’t know how, I was there locked, paralyzed, absolutely strangled, alienated, not knowing what to do. In panic, fear of the most insufferable, scared of the uncertainty of a future. It was ghastly as I reminiscence it and truly indescribable even after a long time. But, as I said, my eyes had now gotten used to the darkness and now I could see a bit. I had decided now to move, at first when I projected my hands into the spooky obscurity, as I was sat on a damp strong stone floor, I could not touch anything, I moved slightly with fear but this situation remained the same, I decide to stand, I did, I extended my arms, nothing I found on the top, I displaced myself to some extent with my stretched body, nothing came to be in my touch. It seemed a big space, I stopped for a moment, after a long silence it gave me the impression I could hear some distant water-like drops falling to the floor, Oh God, how grim it is to remember this!

I wished back then that I could only see a little more and breath the open air but that seemed not to be possible as my eyes, being outlandishly open and blinded out of desperation, began to hurt! Presently I noticed how a change on perception arose onto me: My smell and hearing senses became unveiled as my resources for knowledge on this this weird case, something I had never been forced to do in the past as I was always used to have what I consider the most important: unblemished sight. Suddenly, after a while of experiencing this, still being afraid to walk and discover a distressing revulsion or death, something I dismayed because of the knowledge I had of secluded rooms, I started to see something but ghostly images: I designated them as such, for I knew not yet if they were actual apparitions of souls or artificial pictures -created perhaps by my captor-: herein I speculated for I had no more way and I also doubted for I had learnt to be skeptic in my Life, and in particular this discernment nurtured in the presence and experience of such a harmful plus enigmatic and frightening condition. I could do nothing but try to understand my situation and solve it for the uncomfortableness was sufficient reason for it and my constant Will for Life, which had been present in certainly easier situations during my previous existence, was not diminished even upon such despair. I still had hope of survival, to be free again.

It was perhaps my present mysteric dread fueled by suggestion that drove me to see such phantoms, I could not know for sure, but indeed my scaredness -at this visions in such a lonely and dark state- was such that I threw myself to the ground and moaning and quarreling I begged for help, how humiliating and sad it was my god! I utterly yelled, in vain I did, sadly desperately I did, but none replied, not even the ghost which still rounded my exhausted sight! Those were the most intense moments of my existence in despair and solitude, and I was becoming ill at heart and soul, and body too, a nausea!, a feeling of being claustrophobized without escape for ever in eternity of hell!, the materialization of my ever utmost worst fears now at my view! On my consciousness giving no avail to rest! I wondered if I had died and was currently on such a torment but I had but been a good person in my Life! I couldn’t stand it!, I couldn’t take it any longer, it was utterly indescribable! I Was fainting out of desperation!, I had to do something or die of fear and disgust and panic!. Going against my wildest fear, and being surprised at my reaction!, amazed at the drive of instinct!, I decided to run, and to my astonishment I ran and ran and nothing stopped me as I had though, the ground was still there, no walls were to be found, I did not fall into any pit not nothing else happened, my situation was still the same! Doomed on a curse of fiend! A hell of torture! Such it was! I was on my knees!: Presently I rested after my physical and mental effort, at this time, new feelings came to my mind, now, thirsty, starving, there!, secluded on an open place which was like a gigantic grave! Not even in my harshest nightmares I had conceived such a gadget! Painfully as it was, I kept thinking, reflection on existence -usual in me as I stated at the start of this narrative- at this point became strong, even in this extreme position of dreadfulness and feebleness!. It seems that under this no-exit captivity I came to understand as never afore the worth of being free and in a recognizable environment. I had lost my power to control my Life, I was totally helpless and it was then I valued those moments in which minor troubles stressed my being: at that instant I knew what real pain was!

Now I tested in flesh what I had permanently thought during my lifespan: despite whatever situation in Reality, compared to it there is relentlessly something worst or better to what you experienced on it, such condition takes place no matter what is going on, you will continuously find something else towards the extremes apart from what you went through, no matter how traumatic or pleasurable, you can always go beyond it, in such way we are surprised by Life and that might be the Sense of Existence as I see it. But considering this, it must also be said that here the extreme was at stake! Could I possibly experience something shoddier than this? Whether such was the case or not, I was not presently on settings to discover it. It would be only an extensive time later that I could peacefully -somehow- reflect on these philosophical issues that Life presents to us. Back to my kismet: as I viewed it, I was fully awake and I felt at present -after all my useless effort- yet so bizarre, like in a state of drowsiness. I couldn’t bear with my situation any longer!, I perceived myself as heavy, pulled to the center of the earth!, ready to capitulate! I fell to the floor!, I felt transformed, as if perhaps -swiftly- drugged, weak in my mind and in my body in pain. I sensed no hope again, it was cold, it was so eerie to the utmost!. I hadn’t known where I was for a way too stretched phase now, I couldn’t do remembrance of how long exactly, seemed it didn’t matter much anyway anymore! I was feeling so tense. I had¬† then clearly noticed that -somehow- I wouldn’t be able to cope with this situation anymore, here it appeared that I had lost all possibilities of freedom, I had to escape from this horrendous ailment or succumb to Death!, this I uttered in the middle -and feasibly and buoyantly currently at the termination- of my agony.

That was indeed the way I was feeling, in desolation, in total sadness, ready to die, surrendered, I closed my eyes, I then put my body to the floor to rest and wait for Expiration to come forth when‚Ķ.. all of a sudden, after much external silence, for my head was full of noise, I heard the strongest of chilling sounds of what seemed to be a wall door opening up. I could but be flabbergasted at this finally turn of my deprecating, lethargic, full-of-stupor and hideous occurrence: but with it, at least faith was there once more. Thereafter I beheld a deem light coming to me in a way that paralyzed me just as darkness had until then done!, for my eyes were by then absolutely sensitized towards anything bright, so that was extra to add to my present distress. By this far, l also contracted the expectation of getting rid of my situation or at least understanding what was it that was happening to me, that would help a lot, for these past long-lasting events of creepiness remained a mystery on my mind, in spite of the suffering I had endured. This since I knew not how I had gotten there and I had under no circumstances partaken mention or reference to of it all on my whole Life!. It was so awkward! I’m astounded as to I being able to describe it somehow here for you.

That door, that wall, that light, they would aid me in knowing where I was and‚Ķ‚Ķ of course and more importantly, why?....... So I was both scared and in joy at the same time, strange feelings pervaded my soul in that very moment. I was thinking about this, as the light still was over me and I waited patiently, when precipitously I heard a voice: a disturbing, powerful, vulcanized, reverbing, echoed and over toned humanoid one, it was furthermore a shriek that seemed to come from hell. And in hades I was indeed! I had but little hesitation of it, I say this without embellishment. Nevertheless, It alleged‚Ķ‚Ķ “If you want to understand what is happening you must only follow a path, you’d have to dare yourself to challenge the ¬īDrus¬ī, the Drus !, If you are to ¬†choose to do it, you`ll have to come through the light, albeit, if you are to elect not to, the portal shall be bolted for ever and ever and ever, you must resolve soon, I’ll convey it to you when your time is over !“ And hence that was it, the door and its sunlit remain exposed to me, a deep silence then came, I dared not to speak, for I was so terrified, I didn’t know what to do then, having no idea what would await me if I decided to go through the gate: my other choice was to remain there, stay where I was likely locked endlessly. And so, I thought to myself: ‘what if it was a trick, a trap to enter an even worst place¬Ņ, the challenge suggested by the entity sounded like a difficult task and exhausted I was, thus‚Ķ. what if I could escape from here in a less risky way? But I knew I had tried that already with no positive outcome. I had not much alternative without a familiarity of my location and nonetheless, it was all a risk whatsoever’. At the moment -of course- my reflections -if any- weren’t as lucid as they are at this instant portrayed on this deed, however nowadays they are filtered and polished by my current tranquil state as I pen this down.

With this new occurrence, all was becoming even more enigmatic‚Ķ.. nevertheless‚Ķ. so was the need to decide, in any case, time went by, I was thinking of this‚Ķ. when I heard again the unforgiving voice “the resolution must be taken now!, you stay where you are or you go through the gleam!”. That summoned me into a state of anxiety but at least now I had a choice, some opportunity , at least there was certain light now but I couldn’t avoid being troubled, and so I retorted: “Yes! , Yes!, I’ll do it!, I’ll go through the door!, I don’t want to stay here anymore!” as I said so, I tried my best to sound strong but I knew a little of my nervousness for this decision was present on my weakened speech, anyhow, I felt rejoiced at the fact that I was able to comeback. And so, as I waited an answer I thought to myself: `at least I want to try to escape from here someway`‚Ķ I was afraid, surely, but I unquestionably was worn-out of being there and any other possibility, unlikely to be worst, was enticing. And so it replied -it was an evil monster type of voice- “go through the door and challenge the Drus!”‚Ķ..I guessed it was a bit risky but I saw no other option, I did not even feel confident -under such state- to question the entity more about it! I just wanted to be out of this perdition as soon as possible. ¬†

I stood, directed myself to the twinkle, and so I walked through‚Ķ‚Ķ it categorically blinded me, before it had been the darkness, not it was the beam that did the same to me, I was trembling now again and perhaps, as that happened, I felt uncomfortable and regretting my decision, I was fearful of getting into something worst out of desperation‚Ķ.. I felt paralyzed but I kept going, I was really drained at this point. I was covering my eyes with my hands, and progressively I had the chance to regain my vision and get to see more clearly as I kept walking along the light, at last it fully diminished and I was startled to devise a horizon at the distance, or some vision of that sort, as I kept walking it changed, it started to resemble a wall in the end of a long path, I then remarked I was on an enclosed corridor, it was grey, it looked like something natural, untouched by men, it had the appearance of a maze, I was undeniably not clear about the distortions that I was perceiving then but at least now I was on a different place, not a suffocating one and a lighted one!. I continued to go along this path for not a short time and I Finally I reached the horizon I had previously seen, abruptly a paralyzing sound I heard, it was very loud, like some kind of machined-induced one, like a sound from outer-space, it was so flamboyant I could barely stand it, it also came with an explosion of an immense beam, it was such a shock that I fall to the ground as if fainting, herein, it seemed I lost consciousness and then, as I still confusedly recall it today, it was then that‚Ķ‚Ķ‚Ķ. I woke up to be in my bed in my normal life again!!!, as simple as that! I could not believe it!, it had all been a long nightmare, of which I was now favorably out of!, I sighted and whispered as I was leaving the dreamy state which stilled consumed me in stupor‚Ķ... ‘Oh my God!!!............Wellllllllll‚Ķ‚Ķ at the End of It All‚Ķ‚Ķ.as I’ve thought before, what matters is to Simplify and Hyperfeel the Complexity of Existence!‚Ķ‚Ķ‚Ķ. Indeed, that’s what Experience has inspired me and pulled me to do!’ and after a moment of enlightened reflection in which I concluded this was yet another lesson to learn in my Life‚Ķ.. I went back to my Sleep in joy‚Ķ‚Ķ. the Gaudium here was to be likely unsurpassed! That had really been a Come-true Dream!.